It seems that every single conversation about trans issues that takes place in any online space where cis women feminists have access (not only cis women feminists – and not all cis women feminists – but the worst examples seem to originate there) ends up in yet another round of trans people being called on to justify their existence, or to jump through the same old hoops of another Trans 101 circus… The same old entitlement of cis people, the same old cis privilege leveraged as a blunt instrument of oppression with which to bludgeon us into silence.
And I say: enough.
At this precise moment I’m this close (*gestures vaguely with thumb and forefinger*) to just flattening this blog and walking away from it.
I’ve been too ambivalent for too long about my relationship with feminism, but right here, right now, it seems to me that the idea of being a trans woman and subscribing to the ideals of feminism (as presently prescribed by cis women) is an oxymoron, plain and simple.
Because I just don’t see how anyone, trans or cis, can honestly say that what passes for feminism online is anything other than fucked. Totally fucked. And I’ve had enough of it.
To quote a good friend of mine: I’m sick of this cis feminist bullshit that says “trans people shouldn’t exist” and “we bloody should” are two equally valid opinions to hold under the wide umbrella of feminism. That is a completely untenable position, glossed over by a lack of understanding of what the word diversity truly means.
I say again: enough.
It’s hard to see how it’s possible to be both a trans woman and a feminist. But I can’t stop being transsexual – even if I could, I wouldn’t want to – so maybe it’s time to just leave this stupid, frustrating and too-often offensively oppressive online existence behind and just get on with living my life. My real life. My mundane, everyday life.
At least there, the discrimination and prejudice, the harassment and oppression have faces. Those things are directed at me by real people, on the street, at work, everywhere. But at least I see the faces of my oppressors. At least they have to make snap value judgements about the real person, about me, before they direct their abundance of stupid at me…
But, enough, now.
I don’t think I’ve ever felt more strongly that the time is now, certainly for trans only spaces online – and maybe I’m even starting to edge towards a notion of a form of trans separatism too. I sure as hell don’t see anything for me here; it’s painfully clear that attempts to find a state where some kind of mutual respect, understanding, tolerance and maybe even some kind of integration between trans and cis people only ever fail.
And I’ve had enough.
There’ll likely be a blogging hiatus here for the next few days, then I may be back or I may not. Right now it just doesn’t matter any more. That’s enough.