503 Service Unavailable

November 4, 2009

She ain’t running, she’s walking a little slow
And she ain’t crying, she’s just singing a little low

(From Young Blood by Rickie Lee Jones)

old and in the wayRecently I’ve found myself on the wrong sides of cis women feminists, cis men football fans, HBS and other trans women. Were I in a more optimistic frame of mind I could probably convince myself that if I’m upsetting everybody, then I’m probably doing something right.

But I’m not in a good headspace at the moment and haven’t been for some time. My rage burns hotter by the day and I don’t have the resilience I used to. I’m hurting, I’m tired and I need a little time out.

So blogging may well be light for a couple of days.



Rickie Lee Jones – Last Chance Texaco

A long stretch of headlights
Bends into I-9
Tiptoe into truck stops
And sleepy diesel eyes
Volcanoes rumble in the taxi
And glow in the dark
Camels in the driver’s seat
A slow, easy mark

But you ran out of gas
Down the road a piece
Then the battery went dead
And now the cable won’t reach…

It’s your last chance
To check under the hood
Last chance
She ain’t soundin’ too good,
Your last chance
To trust the man with the star
You’ve found the last chance Texaco

Well, he tried to be Standard
He tried to be Mobil
He tried living in a world
And in a shell
There was this block-busted blonde
He loved her – free parts and labor
But she broke down and died
And threw all the rods he gave her

But this one ain’t fuel-injected
Her plug’s disconnected
She gets scared and she stalls
She just needs a man, that’s all

It’s her last chance
Her timing’s all wrong
Her last chance
She can’t idle this long
Her last chance
Turn her over and go
Pullin’ out of the last chance Texaco
The last chance


6 Responses to “503 Service Unavailable”

  1. Chally Says:

    You take whatever time you need, we will be here when you get back. :)

  2. Emily Says:

    Stay strong, Helen! I really hope you feel better soon.



  3. Marigold Says:

    Sending good thoughts your way!
    Drop me a line anytime if you want to chat :)

    xx M.

  4. julian Says:


    Everyone needs a breather every once in a while. Know that we’ll be glad to hear from you when you work out your headspace and get some good “me” time in. :D


  5. Penny Red Says:

    Hi Helen,

    I’m sorry if the debate we had contributed to your feeling grotty. FWIW, you didn’t upset me – you educated me. Sure you were a bit harsh, but maybe I needed that!

    Love and sisterhood. xx

  6. msruthmoss Says:

    Oh (((hugs))) to you Helen and I hope you get some rest and recovery. We’ll all be waiting xxxx

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